OCP: June 2006

Yes, I know it's over two years old. Shut up.

Read this. I'll wait.

Fandom_wank is a community, based on Livejournal alternative "JournalFen", dedicated to posting and mocking wank(read:drama) in fandom. Any fandom. I, full disclaimer, am a member. It has become infamous in all fandoms for, well, existing, and those wankers wanked there often proclaim it to be the Great Satan of the Interweb, full of people who think they're the Internet police.

What kills me about the woman (statistically) who wrote this essay is that she seems to be preening herself over getting the comm to do, um, exactly what it's intended to do. She wrote an essay to tick F_W off. She claims that they used long words and references to address some fictional audience about her apparent pretention, a conclusion apparently reached by following her writing style. It's not like they would be addressing other readers of the comm, or something. Her defense is that she is member of a liberal arts school, where "obscure references are as mandatory as bad puns3". I'm not clear on how this makes her any less pretentious.

And so I dashed off, in under an hour4 a diatribe against the FW, filled with hyperbole and inflammatory language; I dissed them high and wide and six ways from Sunday, letting out all the stops — and it was rather fun, I do admit — and let it sit a while, and then went back and ratcheted up the heat a few more levels, and then posted it. And waited.
So you posted something designed to inflame and incite. Honey, no matter how many pretty hats you put on it, that's trolling.

What inspired her? Someone reminded her of the comm;
This curious remark not only served to remind me of the FW's existence yet again, it also made me realize that although I myself considered them ninnies and timewasters possessing all the sentience of tent caterpillars, others in panfandom considered them a formidable force, one to be wielded against enemies perhaps, or to be feared.
Thereby missing the entire point of the comm.

She thought F_W needed to be cut down a notch, that they were "too powerful". Too powerful by whose standard is never explained, but she's not going to let some pesky logi get in her way.

Please note, that I did not inform the FW that they had been, er, "counter-wanked" — I did nothing to alert them to this, as one of their jackals had taken pains to inform me at the outset. I simply posted it on my own private site, and left it there. The accusation by the FW ranter that I was only doing this to "get attention" is a singularly illogical one, as for me to do so would require that I already know what it was that I was trying to confirm: that they did care what I thought, of them, enough to be spying on my site either for more grist for their attacks on me, or to see if I would respond to their initial forays.
I'd like to consider myself fairly experienced at translating BS, but my brain couldn't even parse that in one pass. It picked out a sentence fragment here and there, but with no cohesion between them.

Obviously, given that within some twelve hours, there were 500+ downloads, both of those suspicious were quite valid.
You posted a trolling essay. More grist for their attacks, and what is technically a response. Congratulations on playing to the common, vulgar, weak, licentious crowd.

I was moderately surprised that I received only two email responses, one of them from one of those singled out in the first part, (and who should really have been grateful that I didn't — since that wasn't the purpose of the expose — turn the spotlight on her fanfiction as well)
Guess what? You just did.

I had thought that more of those targeted, either directly or indirectly, would be willing to confront me directly, instead of their trademark passive-aggressive style, but no; Azusa complained that I was only willing to quote the parts of her stuff I disliked, ignoring the stated reasons in my article for not wanting to post the rest5 — but not to my face — and neither of those who emailed me responded subsequently to my replies. (I will suppose, in all charity, answers could have gone astray in the email ether from either side.) But still, the outstanding cowardice of their response to my accusations of (among other things) their cowardice, is particularly croggling as well as amusing. The only way they will allow response is through joining their community's Collective, and I will not become part of their machine — "part of the problem" — and be co-opted by the Party, as it were.
So you want them to contact you directly, but you think you're fully justified in posting the response as a file on your webpage. Got it.

What kills me is how many equate discussing wanks with "cowardice". I'm sorry, but if we were to mock you directly, that would amount to trolling. The First Amendment is the right to free speech. There is no moral or legal law to state that one must tell someone you're talking about them.

I also enjoyed the rebukes declaring that For shame! I ought not single out strangers for public mockery, since I didn't know them personally. —Can we spell "irony," now? After all, they've dedicated an entire community to exactly that. As I informed the complainers, anyone who joins a community dedicated to personal jibes and jeering has no rights whatsoever to complain when their own medicine is administered to them.

The (expected, predictable) "well, you're doing it too so nyeah, now you're no better than us!" responses were also very funny. There's kind of an "Evil Overlord logic" to it — we can be as bad as we want to be, but you can't defend yourself because you're the good guys and you have to obey the rules! (Actually, this is typical first-grader behavior, too.)
I think the people claimed that turnabout wasn't fair play were, in fact, being silly. But criticizing us for wanking others, then trolling and wanking us? Guess what? That makes you as bad as us! It's like saying one would be justied in raping a rapist.

But since I don't care a jot for the respect of anyone involved with the FW, and since I was trying to draw them into my enfilade, I was willing to incur such derision, and so I laid on the rhetoric with a trowel. I had to give them enough rope to hang themselves, after all. If on the other hand they had simply dismissed me as a crank, my flyting of them as meaningless envy, and ignored me — I would have had no power over them. They delivered themselves into my hands, whether they realize it or not. (It is funny as well that they're incapable of recognizing self-satire and playfulness in the midst of the vitriol, lashing themselves on with heartening comments about how bloody serious and self-important I must be. "Mock Mockity Mock," indeed.)
This little essay of yours isn't helping. You think you're striking a blow against some mighty castle with this thing? Good luck.
Now, the first movement of this experiment was not in any way a troll — I do think the FanWankers are a pernicious force; I do think that those of them who are not simply cackling hangers-on mocking at random, are filled with a disproportionate sense of their own fandom's importance and resentment towards its flaws

The community exists to mock. That's it. You are ascribing motives and opions which do not exist.

I do think that they are both hypocritical and oblivious to the total irony of their community's existence. And I wouldn't have done anything about it, if they'd not drawn first. And again. And yet again. Someone needed to give them a good swift kick in the head, and nobody else seemed ready, willing, or able to do so.
It was self-defense, officer.

And believe me, plenty of people would like to think they've taken the mickey out of F_W. You're one of them.

As my aim was to demonstrate, or rather to allow the Fandom Wank itself to demonstrate, their own inability to endure the treatment they so freely serve upon others, their wrath and vilification of me is a necessary consequence.
So, basically, this is the most elaborate "he hit me first" I've ever seen.

Anyone who enters an engagement/initiates hostilities — of whatever nature, physical or verbal, on a personal or a national scale — in the expectation of taking no hits in return, is a fool.
Are you making this up as you go along, now?

When I challenge anyone over a matter of writing, whether individually in review or email, or in an open rant, I do so knowing that there will be unpleasantness afterwards, likely, and expect it. Apparently the FW believes themselves in a dystopic world where only they have weapons and armour, like a mecha stomping through a defenseless village, and thus has no fear of retribution — I cannot otherwise account for the shock and outrage that I would dare assault them, in their own style, after having been their target.
You trolled them not as retribution for them trolling you, but to show them that they should be able to take what they dish out. Not retribution. Got it.

I love how she keeps abstracting F_W, to portray it as this large, faceless organism that hovers upon the face of fandom. In fact, she has yet to refer to any facet of F_W as being composed of actual people.

The footnotes are a barrel of lulz, too. Among other things, she goes for an extended analysis of so much as some girl's talking about her reproductive issues in the middle of a rant of yaoi. She (let's call her OddLots, the person who wrote the essay analysing the other essay) says it's not relevant, which is odd, because she went of on a tangent about why she reads badfic earlier. OddLots proclaims swearing to be indicative of the level of cognitive fortitude—sorry, I tend to imitate writing and speech styles unconciously—intelligence if a ditch-digger, or, among other options
or c) she is a pretentious college-girl being rebellious and using bad language for shock value that has no instructive purpose.
This coming from the woman who spent seven lines and a Discword quote to say that someone implied "IMHO" falsely.

Really. She spents more time on mocking someone else in the footnote than on the actual essay. This woman is selfish, pretentious, and convinced of her own importance; everything she accuses F_W of.