OCP: October 2005

Poor parody writer goes nuts. Film at eleven.

In marysues, poor parody RE Suefic is sporked.(post is flocked). It was co written by two girls, and is self-indulgent and egotistical. According to the sporker, Savageworlds;

The most recent chapter (four) speaks out against Mary Sues even though both of the authors responsible write nothing but. Their own Mary Sue alter egos also make an appearance. In the chapter's conclusion, they consider themselves the exception to their own rule of Do Not Write Sues.

In short. These two are so full of themselves, it's a miracle they haven't choked to death by now.

And here's the quoted portion of the story.
[right in here]
The redhead turns and faces the camera with a serious look on her face. “Today we will be examining the scourge of fanfiction…nay society….”

“…the Mary Sue.” Violet concludes, before pulling out a blackboard from apparently nowhere and pointing at a needlessly complicated chart. “Now class, a Mary Sue, for those of you who may not know…”

“…or may have repressed…” Shak interjects.

“…is a self-insertion fanfic. Where the main character is invariably fantastic, beautiful, gorgeous, clever, kind, generous…”


“…brave, talented, blonde and in a relationship with one of the more desirable Resident Evil characters.”

“Right, you two,” Jennifer-Louise points at the two fictional characters, “Sit down and shut up. And give me one of your fags.”

“This is a piss-take of Mary Sues,” Jasmine begins, “We write Mary Sues. We are aware of this.” She is sitting with her hands behind her head and a smug smile of general satisfaction. “And the first person who feels the need to point this out gets the castration special.”

“The thing is,” Jennifer-Louise takes a draw from her cigarette, and glares at the camera, “We are entitled to write Mary Sues. And do you know why?” Pause. “Because we are fantastic.”

“We are so interesting, that it is inconceivable that people wouldn’t want to read about us,” Jasmine adds in a fit of modesty.

“We are your coffee in the morning. You need us. The Resident Evil section needs us to brighten up their dull and otherwise empty lives. We are the two most fascinating, dynamic, humourous, witty and all round stalkable people you have ever met.”

“And the world deserves to have us in fiction form, because there isn’t enough of the real thing to go around.” Jasmine finishes, before her face darkens, “I swear to God, the next anorexic fucking Barbie they put up there and label as “tough” I’m gonna go strap myself as explosives and go blow something up.”
Yes, I know, egotistical, "you're just jealous!" bull. As is to be expected.

The suethour gets wind and joins the comm in order to view the post, and comments on it.comments on it.

Marry me?

This is the best thing we've ever done at five in the morning and I stand by the statements utterly. I am fantastic, Jasmine is fantastic, and everyone wants to read about us, because we are more beautiful than all the saints and angels.
You fail at sarcasm. And that had better be sarcasm.

Besides which, it's inconcievable that Birkin would want to fuck anyone except me (did I mention I'm fantastic), so really it's less a Mary Sue, and more a realistic portrayal of life as it would have been had I been in the resident evil universe.

I am your coffee in the morning, your buttercup, your sunshine. I am wisdom, light, and all that's in between. And you clearly think so too, because you are spreading the Gospel that is us. And our wonderfulness.

Next time, don't post it as a private message. I had to join the community to verify the rumours.

Face it, love. Your body, like the rest of the RE community, needs my sugar.


Ps. *whisper whisper* Two single most highest review counts in the RE section *whisper whisper*

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to be smug.
Funny, I thought she was smug already.

I respond.

35 is not a big number. Your "parody" fic started back in July. Mine started a week and a half a ago. I have a fourth of your reviews, in a ninth of the time, on a hastily written fic that's a chapter shorter.

She responds.
She responds.

I think 35 must seem a very big number for those of us (that would be you) who ride the big yellow bubble bus to "school". But then I’m sure you learned your numbers all the way up to three, by counting up your chromosome 21’s.

(You're not very bright, are you love.)

Let's look at the RE section reviews.

Exhibit A: Resident Evil Damnation by Shakahnna - 949 reviews. Most reviewed Resident Evil story on FF.net (by a long way). Is a Mary Sue.

Exhibit B: Girls Will Be Violet by Hello Captain - 389. Second most reviewed RE story on ff.net. Is a shameless (note, shameless) Mary Sue comedy.

And just for shits and giggles, let's look at exhibit C.

Gosh, would you believe it, it's Living Like A Disaster (by Hello Captain and Shakahnna with...354 reviews. And guess what else. It's a Mary Sue. And a comedy.

So you see, my dear ingrate, it would appear that people just can't get enough of us. And who, really, could blame them?

Your Teen Titans tripe: 3 reviews per chapter. Utter pish in every respect of the word. Resorting to desperately shoving the link there when there was no context for doing so was also pretty hilarious. Unlike your fic, which was insipid. No offence, love, but you've just done exactly what we did, ie PUT YOURSELF into a story flaming Mary Sues, and done it badly. (In fact, you have two stories, and both of them are self-insertion. *sniggers*). Oh love, you really might want to put down that stone and at least get your glass house kitted out with some double glazing first.

Now, just so we clarify, review count is not everything. Any moron can click the review button. But since you brought it up, and you are obviously lacking in the perspicacity to realise that I was talking about our ACTUAL mary sues, as opposed to our self-parody one in terms of reviews, these things are best explained. Especially to Little Miss "I Hate Sues But I Think That It's Ok To Role Play Because THAT'S Not Self-Indulgent Escapism Oh No" (that would be strike two on the "You're A Hypocrite" league table).

Ah, yes. The old "everything you said is invalid becuse you're doing the same thing" fallacy.

There's more, which I will not dignify with a quote. She also C&P's it to her own LJ(I posted there too), and spams Savageworld's.

Then she makes F_W for a large, egotistical post which is essentially "UR JUST JEALOUS HELP HELP I'M BEING REPRESSED". I'm about to spork it. Care to join me?
Do you really have so little confidence that you have to hate everyone who is brave enough to actually go out there and INTERACT with the fictional world that resonated so deeply with them. If you’re going to indulge in escapism (and that’s all reading, television and gaming is), then you might as well have the courage do it properly. And you might as well do it as yourself.
Ironically, she still seems to have missed the point; she wasn't sporked because she was a Mary Sue, it was because she was a self-indulgent, egotistical parody Mary Sue writer, and a poor one at that. Fanfiction was originally created to explore underdeveloped aspects of canon, not to put yourself in the story.

For example. Shak’s self based character is a loud, overweight, delusional, classless, corrupt, mentally unstable policewoman with all the hygiene habits of a pig and a fixation with cutting off male genitalia, and my self insertion is an ugly, uptight, geeky, snobby, clumsy, cowardly hypocrite who instantly irritates everyone she meets and lets her pets die. Both are crass, arrogant, offensive and less attractive on a Friday night than a Pringles tube stuffed with liver.

It’s the age of the anti-hero, and we are the pioneers.

THAT’S the real reason why we are allowed to write Mary Sues, and the rest of you aren’t. Because we are not only honest about our repulsive personality traits and physical appearance, but we REVEL in it. Our Mary Sues NEVER get the boy in the end. They have NO special abilities or talents, aside from any that we have in real life. They are not who we wish we were, they are who we ARE. And we are so fucking proud of ourselves, we are SO completely happy with being US, flaws and all, that we can stick an honest version of ourselves into the Resident Evil universe, and utterly get away with it, because if nothing else, we have the confidence to carry it off, and to say to the world “This is us. We’re not perfect, but if you don’t like it, you can suck my rocket”.
If you're so happy with yourself-MY JOY IZ PASTEDE ON YEY-why are your self-inserts so miserable?

It takes a security, a complete self reliance and self satisfaction that none of you have. You all DESPERATELY wish that, even just for a day, you could run about in the universe of your own particular fandoms. But you don’t have the guts to do it, because you don’t have the guts to write a truly honest portrayal of yourself, and how you would react in that situation.
That's odd. I directed her to my anti-sue fic, and she called it crap. She knows that some of us put self-inserts in the story. And she takes pleasure in making no distinction between Sues and Self-Inserts. Hermione's a self-insert. Wesley Crusher is a Stu.

There is no such thing as canon. It is a myth that people with no confidence in their own abilities created to stop themselves from facing up to the fact that they don’t think they’re good enough to reach out and touch the one thing that brightens up their day a little.
If I met this woman in reality, I'd edge away as soon as possible.

You like your fandom because you identify with it. Because you can relate to it. Because when you played that game, or watched that anime, or read that book, it struck a chord with you.
Justifying Sues how?

How did the dear and gentle readers here manage to utterly miss the fact that not only do we write numerous shameless, unrepentant, self indulgent Sues, and that in fact we find it nigh on impossible to write a story and NOT put ourselves in it, but that none of these fics has ever managed to grace the hallowed halls of fame here (which in itself is a travesty). Yet when we write a piece taking the piss out of OURSELVES (It's Not Big and It's Not Clever) for writing Sues, sporking ensues.

The post is also mirrored at Deleterius, a comm dedicated to sporking bad Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings suefic before it is deleted. The other authour, snapes_angel, comments on the post;


Mme. Mervin, thank you for missing the point entirely. Anyway, the only "self-insertion" I do with any of my fics is to take a personality trait that I see in canon (i.e., how the characters really are in the books) and explore it in the context of that particular character. Not that I mid Mary Sues, but I alos like to spork them (and fanfic in general) and I also would enjoy hhaving anything of mine sporked: but then, I have a rather thick skin when it comes to an honest, helpful critique of my writing. I've also learned a bit in my short time in this community too.

Of course, I don't write as much fanfic as some... lol: though I'm currently involved in a group project, HP/Gremlins crossover that's a lot of fun. Original charactesr can be included, so long as you don't mind other people also writing your characters (in other word, open season on Sues if you trib them to the story). The closest thing to a Sue I have in that story is a character that interjects a random plot point here nad there, or that I use ot try to explani some elements of the story (like for some reason someone decided tht Sirius Black's alive for the purpose of the story): so my character had managed a magical invention called a Deus ex Machina that could only be used once, and Harry used it to bring Sirius back. XP

Well at least she's not as bad as her coauthour. The spelling could use some work, but she's very nice.

I have no doubt that this will continue. Believe it!

EDIT (Nov 7th '05)

As I expected, she comments on the Fandom_Wank post. Check out her reply to my comment: the rules I made don't apply to me. Also, she's glad you're spreading the message of her greatness.

Ship at the bottom.

Caina wrote an essay on fandom hypocrisy. Fandom_wank picked up on it. The esay in question is currently down because of all the mean meanies making fun of her.

I’m sure many people are
wondering “how is Jo responsible for the anti-Harmony sentiment on the
Internet?” There are several ways, and I’ll list them here.

1. Rowling granted an interview with two fans, both of whom are known to be anti-H/Hr.

2. Rowling made an inflammatory remark on her own website.

3. Rowling used her own book to ridicule H/Hr.

4. Rowling has ignored the situation in her fandom, thereby exacerbating the already sore situation.
Um,the interview was getting involved, in a way. And how many authours check out their own fandom? Who would believe it was them? Once William Shatner went into a Star Trek chatroom and identified himself. He was flamed for an hour. No one believed it was him.
I want to preface this essay with a simple statement of fact: JK Rowling, as an author with fans of different ships (which she was well aware of during the writing of HBP, if not as far back as GoF), has an obligation to be professional when dealing with fans. Professional means a certain amount of neutrality and fairness.
And by fairness, C* means "BRING BAK H/HR."

The H/Hr ship is not a tiny minority, as Anelli claims in her interview with Rowling. She did say that we’re very vocal. That, I agree with, we are vocal, but no more so than R/Hr or H/G sites.
How, then, am I mad?

Next, they said that we shouldn’t question Rowling’s work, that instead of being angry that our ship was sunk, we should stick to fanon. This means that we should praise Rowling, never question her abilities, and enjoy the H/Hr ship through fan fiction, on our own websites, and forums, and we should do it in peace, and leave them alone to enjoy HP the way they want.
Why, yes! Perhaps you've got i-

Yet, when we try to enjoy our ship on our own websites and forums, and when we write our fan fiction, what do they do? They prove themselves to be hypocritical by coming onto our websites and forums and then creating places like the STFU (shut the fuck up) to ridicule our fandom. They like to claim “we’ll take canon, you take fanon”. Instead of leaving us alone to enjoy our ship, and to enjoy HP the way we want, they continue attacking us.

We’re supposed to quietly disappear. We’re supposed to sit back and remain silent and not be offended while they take the only thing we Harmonians have left and ridicule it.
So, you were living for a ship that is now technically slash in a children's book?!? Wow. What kind of childhood did you have?

The comment on her site about wanting Emerson to know that she wasn’t some angry H/Hr shipper in a dark alley was an irresponsible and unnecessary comment. She has sunk other ships without such disdain, why all the hate for H/Hr? Why did she feel the need to use H/Hr shippers in that “joke”? Words have an effect on people, and she needs to be aware that what she says can help or hurt some people.
Um, you've all but openly threatened us, and her.

. I certainly wasn’t an angry shipper before HBP was released.
No, you were.

She was so desperate that we didn’t have anything but a few tossed bones (with the little bit of flirting in the Great Hall) to point to H/Hr as loving one another that she decimated the H/Hr friendship. She was so desperate to prove Ginny is perfect that she reduced Hermione to a whiny and pathetic brat. To hell with telling a good story. Let me do everything I can to ‘prove’ Harry and Hermione are only platonic friends. What I don’t get is why she couldn’t continue to write their friendship the same as she had from the first five books, while still writing H/G, R/Hr.
No, she decided "screw it; if they haven't been hit by the ten-pounders I've dropped, I'm throwing the book at them."

She then ignores the situation that’s happening, even though I’m convinced she’s aware of it (and no amount of protestations that she has no idea what’s happening will convince me), choosing instead to focus on some non-issue like eBay fraud.
You dropped your tinhat.

So, of course these ‘people’ at STFU feel they’re justified in not only telling us to stick to fanon, but they feel completely justified in ridiculing our fanon efforts because the one they look up to has repeatedly and maliciously slammed us.
She bobbed and weaved for half the interview to avoid calling you nuts, and finally did so under protest. How is that malicious?

They claim they won, but did they really? I mean, think about it? What did they win? A book long hissy fit between R/Hr,
Dwarfed, of course, by the three month fit you guys have thrown.

Hermione flirting with Harry,
Hermione dating McLaggen,
to make Ron jealous.
Ron with his lips glued to Lavender most of the book,
To make Hermione jealous
Ginny kissing Dean,
Becuase Harry didn't seem interested
Ginny kissing Harry once passionately, one peck, Harry reflecting a little on a day spent by the lake with Ginny, in which NO detail is given, Harry bitter at Snape for eating into his time with Ginny, which was never even shown.


I mean, they got paired up in chapter 24 for God’s sake, and then he dumps her at a funeral. Talk about cliché.
Dumping your girlfriend to save her life isn't exactly cliche.

My fellow Harmony shippers, I suggest that the best way for us to deal with the STFU, is to ignore them.
This is the first time I have ever spittook onto my screen, ever. Congrats.

I like C*'s "the fandom is the center of JKR's attention" theory, ignoring such things as the movies, the red tape, the marketing, and, oh yeah, writing the books.

Extended sporking here.

Caina's egotism makes my head spin.