2103 Breathe stretch, shake, let it go.

Several days ago, I saw an advertisement on G4 for a program called 'Attack of the Show'. It would apparently be a show[gasp] about 'Cool crap, before it's just crap.' This piqued my intrest, until I realized that that was the premise of The Screen savers.[or rather, the pitiful, tattered remains of said show, rustling in the wind.] My suspicions were further reinforced when I recalled that a member of a mailing list I am a part of mentioned that he has seen pictures on Sarah's moblog indicating a name change for TSS. As the denial began to set in My worst fears were all but confirmed by what was presumably the new show's title graphic at the end of the spot; a five-minute After Effects affair, featuring gryscal pics our two favorite TSS hosts-and some dude with a gotee-orbiting ugly silver text on a red field. Earlier today, in a moment of idleness, I ran a Google on the show's title and had my worst fears confirmed, the mons't'rous hearts of the G4 nobility laid bare before mine opened eyes.1

If you listen to the fans, G4 did not disrespect TechTv's shows after the buyout. G4 killed TechTV in the most brutal fashion. G4 leapt out from behind a dumpster, slapped it's filthy hand over TechTV's crimson lips, wrapped their arm around its slender, struggling form, dragged it kicking down an alley, and defiled it's virgin, previously unsullied corpse. G4 was the gunman on the grassy knoll, the true mastermind behind the 911 attacks, framed O.J. Simpson, and killed the one tree that grows in Brooklyn. G4 took the Lindbergh baby.2

One of the repeated claims of the G4 supporter-of which there are precious few in number, as well as common sense-is that the TTV fans are only "whining" because of changes to their "beloved" TSS. This theory is ludicrous, since G4 was a target of critics long before the acquisition, while X-Play had ratings among the 18-35 male demographic rivaling Adult Swim and the Daily Show. [Aside: XP seems to be the only show which hasn't changed since the merger. If anything, it's gotten slightly better, in spite of the discordantly designed set. Just ask Shad Grimgravy.] Another frequent claim is that the TTV viewers should stop whining and jsut not watch the show, since they apparently have no right to complain about something they dislike. On the G4 message boards.

Those who support G4 all invariably have something in common.
  • They like Portal
  • They like Cheat!
  • They think TechTV merged with G4 because of low ratings.
  • They think TechTV was failing before the buyout.

When I say all, I mean, literally, every single one. They will argue tooth and nail for G4 being 'better' than TechTV while simultaneously revealing that they don't even know the basic facts. And they didplay terrible taste: Portal is the worst Machinima, ever. I could use Super Mario Bros and make a better show. For the NES. Cheat! expects you to pay your cable provider for something hundreds of websites will give you for free. They also did not watch TTV before the acquisition. The only good point I've heard-in the past year, mind you-is that the buyout let people with digital cable watch TechTV shows. Which is strange, because TTV is on basic. The only show left is X-Play, anyway.

The fans at the G4 message boards believe that the TSS name should've been changed months ago, to avoid sullying it further. I disagree. Up until this point, there was enough, just enough, of the old TSS left to bear the name. Attack of the Show is a shallow, meaningless travesty, meant to appeal to humanitiy's basest members.

At least they bought Dark Tips back.

1. I was going for more Tycho than Shakespeare, but it works.
2. That's better.


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